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Joke of the Day

"""omg you're covered in blood! are you ok?"" [cut to me blending a tomato but I cant get the lid on properly] you should see the other guy"

"A cop just pulled me over -- asking if I knew my tail light was out? I said, 'Uh uh. I drive on the inside of my car'"

"Scandium, Iodine, neon, corium. What is it? It's Science. UPDATE: I'm an idiot"

"With Trump and Hillary being the candidates, I think we know who will win... Dave."

"Why do so many people like hanging out with Mr. Mushroom? Because he's a Fungi!"

"I once tried to be a cat... It didn't go pur-fectly, but it went well... ( )"

"What did Dr. Seuss call the book he wrote about Star Wars? The Cat in the AT-AT"

"Scientists Find Zika Might Be Transmitted by Oral Sex The study suggests a little head may result in a little head."

"How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb? No-one: feminists don't change anything."