182011

Joke of the Day

"why cant you hear a pterodactyl go pee? Dinosaurs are extinct"

"So a wizard was walking down the street... Then he turned into a driveway."

"Did you hear about the football player that went to prison ? He went from being a tight end to being a wide receiver"

"what are you getting your wife for her birthday? a sweater and a dildo... if she doesnt like the sweater, she can go fuck herself"

"STAGES OF DRUNK: 1. Wow. I can dance. 2. All hats look GOOD on me. 3. Shhh. Don't wake up the cows."

"How does a tail pipe feel after a long car ride? exhausted."

"Am I the only one who calculates how many hours sleep I can get before I go to sleep?!"

"I told my waiter, ""There's a fly in my soup!"" He said, ""It's possible, the cook used to be a tailor."""

"I have a lot of clothes but I only wear like 5% and It looks like I have none and I refuse to wear the other 95% because I fucking look ugly in them."

"I was going to tell a 9/11 joke today... ...but I was told that it would be insensitive and just plane wrong."