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Joke of the Day

"STAGES OF DRUNK: 1. Wow. I can dance. 2. All hats look GOOD on me. 3. Shhh. Don't wake up the cows."

"Why did the chicken cross the road? so it could get to the other side"

"I finally figured out why your sister is not a ballet dancer... Because every time she does a split, she sticks to the floor."

"Girl, you must be the SAT... 'cause I want to do you for three hours and forty five minutes with a ten minute break for snacks."

"*hears Siren's song* *eyes glaze* *walks in a trance ten miles* *breaks window to donut shop* I'm here, Mistress. *eats everything* *dies*"

"The first step to admitting you have a problem is having a problem."

"What do you call a jewish politician's election tactics? A schmear campaign!"

"I wish I could find a girl that loved me as much as she loves her hair."

"What's the difference between American and European kids? European kids actually come home from school."

"There was a black out last night. Don't worry, we got him."