181999

Joke of the Day

"Sarah Jessica Parker walks into a bar... And the bartender goes ""why the long face"""

"{Text} Me: Come home soon baby, I'm dressed like Leia.. Him: So turned on, I am.. Me: If you show up dressed like Yoda it's not happening"

"It's really hard to be stealthy while carrying half a box of Tic Tacs. The more you know."

"Take your time, Officer. I have nothing but respect for the law. Your imminent death on this dark side street can wait."

"What is a mortician's favorite side dish? Gravy"

"Are you a haunted house? Because every time I come inside you I shit myself."

"What is the objective of jewish football? To get the quarter back."

"Suprise me! I went to the pub last night and the barman asked what I wanted so I said ""suprise me"" He then showed me a naked picture of my girlfriend"

"We're gathered here today to mourn the loss of Derek. His last words were ""Watch me try and keep my eyes open while sneezing!"""

"Know why Trump supporters are so obsessed with ""cuck""? Because they can't wait to watch him fuck their families."