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Joke of the Day

"{Text} Me: Come home soon baby, I'm dressed like Leia.. Him: So turned on, I am.. Me: If you show up dressed like Yoda it's not happening"

"[job interview] Interviewer: It says here that you are a blowfish. Would you care to expand?"

"How do you help a paraplegic kill themselves? Give them a push."

"What does a cannibal do after dumping their girlfriend? They wipe, flush, and wash their hands"

"I like making babies... Unsuccessfully, of course."

"Erotic is using a feather Kinky is using the whole chicken!"

"Why is Halloween one of the most popular holidays in West Virginia? It gives them an opportunity to *pump-kin*."

"Social Life Status: My friends are balloons with faces drawn on them. Stuart. My best friend. Popped two days ago."

"THERE ARE 7 BILLION PEOPLE IN THE WORLD. WHY WOULD YOU HAVE SEX WITH KITCHENWARE? Oh, that's not what pansexual means. Carry on then."

"us teens are tired of being murdered all the time in movies. why not make the next murder victim a chimp in a suit or a plant"