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Joke of the Day

"So a guy goes to a bratwurst convention... So a guy goes to a bratwurst convention hoping to pick up some chicks. He went home alone though; the place was a total sausage fest."

"[me as a DJ] Where my single ladies at? *drunk responses* This one's for you *turns off music, serious tone* This is a bad place to meet men"

"How do you keep someone in suspense?"

"Knock Knock. Who's rhere?. 9/11. 9/11 Who? You said you would never forget."

"How much cash can you make robbing an Indian restaurant? As much as you can curry."

"Make love to a woman's mind, and her body will follow in kind"

"I know you shouldn't text and drive but I've only had 2-3 texts tonight, tops, so I should be okay to drive."

"What do you call a black, seafaring plunderer? Pirate. Unless you're a clever racist, then you might've said ""nigarrr""."

"A bunch of religious accounts are following me so I can only assume I'm the subject of a monthly sermon series."

"A woman in labor is screaming profanities at her husband from her hospital bed. He says, ""Hey, don't blame me! I wanted to stick it in your ass but NO, you said that might hurt!"""