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Joke of the Day

"Knock Knock. Who's rhere?. 9/11. 9/11 Who? You said you would never forget."

"Dear Evolution, It's a conference call, not a bear attack. How about making me super eloquent instead of the heart rate and adrenaline?"

"Took my wife away for our anniversary since it wasnt enough for her just to be married to God's gift to every female organism on the planet."

"Wife: Are you drunk? Me: I know this is a trick question so I'm going with no. Why? W: Because you're naked on the neighbors porch. M:..."

"Funny how shampoo bottles weigh like, 2 pounds in real life, but when dropped in the shower they turn into a meteor."

"Why do hummingbirds hum? They don't know the words."

"Did you hear about the Native American chief who drank 50 gallons of Earl Grey? He was found dead in the morning, drowned in his tee-pee."

"HR has a problem with me giving the vending machine guy a lap dance. In my defense, he was packing Dark Chocolate Twix."

"Asked a vegetarian if she'd heard this song, then remembered vegos are too weak to turn on radios and way too busy playing with their lutes."

"I thought about doing anal But I figured my dick has gotten me in enough shit already"