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Joke of the Day

"If you love someone... Bury them in your backyard so no one can find them. Then you'll have them FOREVER! *looks out window & smiles*"

"War doesn't determine who is right... It only determines who is left."

"I should never read tweets at work because I laugh out loud and everyone asks what's funny and I have to say this excel spreadsheet."

"I think my microwave's broken. I keep pressing the pizza button and no pizza is coming out"

"If you've watched even one episode of two and a half men... ...you're gonna need to go ahead and get yourself tested."

"My wife called me crazy... CALLED"

"I moved to LA 9 months ago and I've just been circling around this whole time looking for a parking spot."

"What do you call a cheap circumcision? Rip-off."

"My best friend ran away with my wife.... I miss him."

"So in 2016 I've decided to leave all the negative people behind. So im sorry if i owe you money because im moving on from that now."