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Joke of the Day

"I'm here to make a donation. Nun: Blessings, the orphans could use... *Shoving my kid at her- A brother? I'd like a receipt. For my taxes."

"Go buy a burrito, leave it in your fridge, get drunk, come home and be your own best secret admirer."

"I went to a dance. First they played 'Jump', so I jumped. Then they played 'The Twist', so I twisted. Then they played 'Come On Eileen', so I got kicked out."

"What do you get when you cross a penis and a potato? (slightly nsfw) a dicktater"

"I know right from wrong. Wrong is the fun one."

"I haven't talked to a single member of my family since the great monopoly battle of '06. So yea, I know a thing or 2 about holding a grudge."

"Why do Chinese knights have a low rate of survival? They all have chinks in their armor."

"In honor of Father's day, here is a typical dad joke. Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers? They say he made a mint."

"I found a wallet today and as a good Christian I thought ""what would Jesus do?"" ... so I turned it into wine."

"What's the difference between a chickpea and a garbanzo bean? I wouldn't pay $200 to have a garbanzo bean on my face."