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Joke of the Day

"Penises are like internet connections Having a big pipe is great, but it doesn't do you much good if you don't have any uptime."

"2 fish are in a tank The one asks, ""how do you shoot this?"""

"I've been interrogating this dog for hours and he still won't tell me who's a good boy."

"Sometimes I loiter outside of Victoria's Secret just so people think I have a girlfriend."

"Watching WWII documentaries, it's always so heart wrenching when Poland is invaded and London is bombed by the Alt-Right."

"*adds 'memory loss' to Symptoms* *adds 'memory loss' to Symptoms* *adds 'memory loss' to Symptoms* *adds 'memory loss' to Symptoms*"

"Me: Why can't we feed the animals? Wife: They'll get lazy and dependent and never, ever go away. Me: *looks warily at our kids*"

"I got so drunk the other night that I lost my glasses. The rest is a blur."

"How do Communists achieve a revolution every single year? They planet!"

"What was the crow doing up on the telephone pole? He was making a long-distance caw."