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Joke of the Day

"Roses are red... Roses are red. Violets are red. The grass is red. The fence is red. OH SHIT THE GARDEN'S ON FIRE!"

"Oh. Awesome. A gift card. It's like money, but I can only spend it where you thought I'd like to."

"How many lawyers does it take to shingle a roof? Depends on how thick you slice 'em."

"I bought shoes from a drug dealer... I don't know what he laced it with,but I've been tripping all day."

"My boyfriend has the body of a god! Or the body of God. Okay, he's like the body of Christ. What I mean is, he's a round white cracker."

"Why is the set including the square root of 5 and the square root of 4 similar to the set including anarchism and authoritarianism? They are both unlike radicals."

"SURPRISE! -Sharts"

"this toddler on the bus said ""the wheels on the bus go round & round"" & this guy yelled back ""no shit Sherlock"" & I can't stop clapping?"

"People say I don't have what it takes Yeah, because every time I get it, it takes it."

"How many cops does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, they'll just arrest the light for being broke and beat the room for being black."