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Joke of the Day

"LPT: Microwave your spoon first to make scooping out ice cream easier. It warms up the spoon and makes the process less frustrating."

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"I went camping recently. It was intense."
"You know you're single when the only calls you get at night are Nature's."
"When I die I want to be cremated and blown in the faces of my enemies"
"Rock-a-bye-baby is my favorite nursery rhyme about the tragic consequences of putting babies in trees."
"Q: Why don't Deputy Fire Marshals look out the window in the morning? A: So they have something to do in the afternoon."
"Has anybody tried unplugging Congress and then plugging it back in??"
"A Limerick There once was a barmaid in Salles, On her chest wrote the price of ale. And on her behind, For the sake of the blind, Was the same information in Braille."
"[Kitchen] Me: I'm a were-state. When the moon is full I turn into a US state. Wife: No you don't the moon is full now. Me: *Illinois noises*"
"When I'm dead, these tweets will be worth twice as much."
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