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Joke of the Day

"How do you milk an almond?"

"The David Cameron diet: You'll never lose your pounds quicker."

"I phoned the local gym and I asked if they could teach me how to do the splits. He said, ""How flexible are you?"" I said, ""I can't make Tuesdays."

"Why is it so hard to build a blonde snowman? Because you have to hollow out the head."

"I tried to get a guy over to fix my window screen but we couldn't get our times to mesh."

"You hear about the dyslexic agnostic insomniac? He stayed up all night wondering whether or not there was a Dog."

"Whatever Mom, IF THAT'S EVEN YOUR REAL NAME!!!"

"Baby metamorphosis I feel like nobody names their baby Craig. One day, around age 35, the baby just becomes Craig. that is all"

"Did you hear about the 13th century french dog that was a saint?... St. Bernard. Hiyooooooo."

"Justin Bieber should thank Elton, Adam, and Ricky for making his closet a walk-in."