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Joke of the Day

"harassing a man at a urinal, claiming i copyrighted piss"

"""The Sun is dying. We need help"" the scientists are speechless. Cool Dad kicks in the door & removes his shades ""It's daylight savings time"""

"My husband told me he'd like to be woken up by a blowjob... ...so I put my dick in his mouth to wake him up."

"Hedgehogs Why can't they just share the hedge?"

"Why was the fish processing factory built beside the computer factory? So that they could make fish and chips."

"I just swapped our bed for a trampoline My wife hit the roof!"

"Cop: Know why I pulled you over? I'm in a High Occupancy lane Cop: Yes...wait IS THAT A JOINT? Yeah I'm HIGH lol Cop: My bad, free to go"

"[God wakes up] oh man i am hungover, what'd i do last night? [sees that goats have the ability to scream now] haha oh yea"

"So I asked this swiss dude to tell me something good about living in Switzerland. ""Well"" he said ""the flag is a big plus!"""

"If electricity always follows the path of least resistance, why doesn't lightning only strike in France?"