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Joke of the Day

"Seems my bladder still thinks its hilarious to wait until I'm comfortable in bed before voicing it's need to pee."

"The Tomato Pastor began his sermon to the Salad Congregation ""Lettuce pray"""

"Patient: Doctor, I have a pain in my eye whenever I drink tea. Doctor: Take the spoon out of the mug before you drink."

"How is a man and a 45 degree angle alike? Neither of them are ever right."

"An officer gets shot in a marijuana raid..."

"Not sure what you have heard, but it actually only rains twice a year in Seattle. October through May, then June through September."

"In the time it took me to RT in Favstar I could have written the tweet in calligraphy and hand delivered it to all 7600 of my followers."

"I just want someone to like me. Not you. I meant someone pretty."

"I like to yawn in front of people so they yawn and then I can say ""You're tired I should go."""

"If things are going good, enjoy it, it won't last forever. If things are going bad, don't worry. It can't last forever either."