18024

Joke of the Day

"My niece thinks she's more mature than me because she listens to Beethoven. His movies sucked plus why would I wanna listen to dog music?"

"At first I was reluctant to fix my broken fence... but then I just had to repost."

"Shamrocks are the most dishonest of all the rocks."

"What is stephen Hawking's favorite food? His shoulder."

"What's the difference between a baby and a window You can't rape a window"

"Cats & Movies What did the cat do when he didn't want to watch the movie? He paws-ed it!"

"Debit card was repeatedly declined at the grocery store today. I was trying to buy vegetables so the bank just assumed the card was stolen"

"WIFE: you forgot to run the dishwasher again, didn't you? ME: [drinking milk from a flower vase] no, why?"

"My wife set a limit on how much we can spend on each other for Christmas. It's $100 on me and $500 on her."

"ladies and gentlemen this is your captain speaking... and this [copilot starts sick beatbox] is your captain rapping ALL OUT OF FUEL ALL OUT"