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Joke of the Day

"Don't be stupid, if their ex is still calling it's because they're still getting an answer."

"What's the smartest muscle in the human body? The anal sphincter; it can differentiate solid, liquid, and gas."

"Think of a number. Realize that number will never think of you too. Lay on your bathroom floor and sob."

"PATIENT: I've been so stressed out lately. What can I do? DR DOG (tail wagging like crazy): Studies show that petting dogs relieve stress"

"If we put aside our differences and work together, I truly believe we can come up with a few more alternate spellings of the name Britney."

"Puns about cow sounds are the lowest form of humor."

"Stolen Gate The other day, I looked out my window to see two guys stealing my side gate! I didn't say anything to them though. I didn't want them to take offence."

"Since smart watches can now read your pulse, there should be a feature that erases your browser history if your heart stops beating..."

"A man walks into a library and asks for a book on shit punchlines. The librarian directs him to the correct section."

"If I've ever been described as ""athletic"", it was probably meant as a combination of the words ""athlete"" and ""pathetic""."