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Joke of the Day

"Stolen Gate The other day, I looked out my window to see two guys stealing my side gate! I didn't say anything to them though. I didn't want them to take offence."

"dont judge a book by its cover. dont judge a book at all. read a book. write a book. dont judge a book unless that book has murdered someone"

"Q: How many Executive Producers does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Executive Producers don't screw in a light bulb they screw in a hot tub."

"Q: What did the spud lover do before it went to bed? A: It set its alarm for eight -- so it would get a potato clock."

"Men who shave their arms and legs probably shave their vaginas as well."

"Jewish house on Christmas You know if a house is Jewish on Christmas if there's a parking meter on the roof."

"Eighteen is too young to get married. You can't even buy alcohol. If you can't drink, how are you going to make your marriage work?"

"What's a pirate's favorite letter? R! Aaaarrrgghhhh! You'd think it'd be R but it's the C, matey!"

"""Why don't you have kids yet?"" is a great question, ma'am, but I'm saving that conversation for the right total stranger at this gym."

"Hillary Clinton made a joke about her own hair Clinton jokes: The hair is real, the color isn't - CNN"