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Joke of the Day

"If a mouse family ever stole my iPhone and used it as a flat screen TV then I'm okay with it as long as they're happy."

"Going to Walmart with my mom and kids is a great way to test if the Xanax is working! *eye twitches"

"What does Soylent Green taste like? It varies from person to person."

"What does an obese white woman have in common with a brick? Eventually, they're both getting laid by a Mexican."

"Sex is great, yes but have you ever had water come out of your ear after it stayed there two days after swimming? OMG"

"My girlfriend is like God. Doesn't exist..."

"A cloud came over the emperor's face. He vehemently gave a thumbs down. The crowd roared as the next Pandora song began to play."

"Pretzels Two pretzels were walking down the street. One got assaulted."

"Gimmie a topic and I'll make a joke. Go."

"Who often shoots in the wrong direction? Clint Westwood"