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Joke of the Day

"Pretzels Two pretzels were walking down the street. One got assaulted."

"""Awww. There there."" *pats you on the face. Hard"

"Thanks phone, for being strong every time I dropped you."

"I caught my girl cheating with my best friend on my new leather couch... Of course I yelled at him.. He's not allowed on the couch. (Made this one up this morning.. Still playing with the wording)"

"I suck at video games. I mess up the character's life like I have my own. I played Mario today and he ended up $60K in debt and had 4 DUIs."

"a C, Eb, and a G walk into a bar... The bartender says ""sorry we don't serve minors here,"" so the Eb walks out and the C and the G have a fifth between them."

"I'm not afraid of identity theft. Go ahead and enjoy being broke and having my dad call you a failure."

"I'm positive I lost an electron... ...better keep an ion that."

"If you have 12 enchiladas.... Is it a foot-alada?"

"French Guns for sale! Never Fired, dropped only once."