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Joke of the Day

"I'd rather the Ring girl pop out of my TV than have the ""Congratulations you have won an iPhone"" voice ever scare the shit out of me again."

"Do cannibals prefer red or white wine with dinner? They're not fussed, as long as it's full bodied."

"I realized I needed an altitude adjustment... ...so I booked the next flight out of town."

"Knock Knock Who's there ? Curry ! Curry who ? Curry me back home will you !"

"Teacher: ""Your composition on the assignment ""My dog"" is exactly like your brothers... ...did you copy it?"" Boy: ""No, it's the same dog!"""

"Get a hair cut, run away without paying. They can't chase you because they're holding scissors. The perfect crime."

"What do a Marionette User and Tampon Thief have in common? They both pull strings for work. (Inspired by Bo Burnham, this popped into my head the other day)"

"[Sick Humour] What sits in the corner of the room, crying and getting smaller and smaller? A baby combing it's hair with a vegetable peeler."

"i have an iq of 152 so actually its not ""dumb"" that im trapped in this tiny slide for children"

"Never trust someone who says you're more important than cheese. It's an obvious lie."