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Joke of the Day

"I'd rather the Ring girl pop out of my TV than have the ""Congratulations you have won an iPhone"" voice ever scare the shit out of me again."

"Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole-in-one."

"Which online dating site connects me with single-malt liquor in my area?"

"While making small talk with my wife's doctor I asked him what he does for a living because I am amazing at human interaction."

"Why haven't they installed a mirror on cars that only covers your blind spot?"

"So Lisa said she wanted to be friends with benefits Where's my dental plan, you slut? (source, college humor)"

"Seeing as how reddit is taking so many pictures of lightning... Reddit must have some lightning fast reflexes"

"What's Richard Nixon's favorite game? I spy."

"Accidentally used AXE shampoo to wash my cat the other day and now he's boxing strays and impregnated 17 dogs"

"I found out today that if I just let go of the steering wheel, my car will drive itself. The catch is: my car is a terrible driver."