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Joke of the Day

"I'd rather the Ring girl pop out of my TV than have the ""Congratulations you have won an iPhone"" voice ever scare the shit out of me again."

"How does a dark-skinned boy have light-skinned hands? ...because paint! -my four-year-old daughter."

"hey i just met you and this is crazy but i'm your mom now you small weak baby"

"I was loving the song with the great beat in the lunchroom at work today when I realized it was the dishwasher running. It's great to be me."

"""Mommy all the kids at school say I'm a werewolf! Is that true?"" ""No of course not. Now shut up and comb your face."""

"Why do some people cough alot? Because they drink to much coughee."

"Fat people save more water compared to everyone else... because they only need one cup off water to fill a bath."

"I just poured myself some iced tea. I could have sworn I heard one of the beers in my fridge whisper ""What the F*ck!?"""

"Why did Megan fall off the swing? Because she had no arms. Knock Knock. Whose there?? Not Megan."

"Always have a fake name at the ready so you don't tell the cops something stupid, like ""Andrew Granola."""