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Joke of the Day

"I was loving the song with the great beat in the lunchroom at work today when I realized it was the dishwasher running. It's great to be me."

"Took a nap. Think the nap store manager saw me take it. Freaking out."

"They found more DNA from the NY escaped convicts... ...all over Joyce Mitchell's face!"

"So Kim Jong-un is claiming he personally hacked into Sony's servers in retaliation to them broadcasting a spoof interview. Is there no end to this Olympic gold Medallist's talent?"

"What do cows do for fun? They go to the moo-vies!"

"If a telemarketer calls give the phone to your 3 yr old,and tell them its santa clause."

"His Holiness the Dalai Lama invited you to play Candy Crush."

"I hired a person to randomly show up throughout the day and put baskets of bread on my desk."

"If your Dad leaves, just act like you're installing a new screen door. All the Dads of the neighborhood will gather round. Pick your new Dad"

"I saw a gay bar with the entrance boarded up, but it was open... Everyone goes in the back door anyway"