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Joke of the Day

"My wife just bought toilet paper from Costco which is great because later today we're having 3,000 people over to take a shit."

"Can't wait until phones become waterproof so pushing people in pools becomes funny again."

"Today is National Pasta Day I have a friend that would have loved today, but sadly she's pastaway"

"i'm not ""cute"" awkward. i'm ""what the hell is wrong with you"" awkward."

"What's long and hard and fucks old people? Osteoporosis"

"2 lepers playing poker... 1 throws his hand in, the other laughs his head off."

"Why don't you hear a pterodactyl in the bathroom? Because it's *P* is silent...."

"What does a mechanic do for a one night stand? He nuts and bolts."

"Have you heard about the new advanced ABS system developed by an Israeli company? Allows any vehicle equipped with it to stop on a dime."