15265

Joke of the Day

"Why don't you hear a pterodactyl in the bathroom? Because it's *P* is silent...."

"Why couldn't the blind black man play hockey? Because he was black."

"Me: *hyperventilating* 911? BEES! ... EVERYWHERE! ... SEND...HELP! ""Sir we don't ..."" Me: OMG! DON'T YOU HAVE A SWAT TEAM FOR THIS?"

"Did you hear that Donald Trump's new hair will cause riots due to its connection to satanic rituals? If he confirms the change, they'll be hell toupee. I'll show myself out."

"Your Mom is like Planet 9... very distant from the sun"

"What is a NYC nanosecond? If you are stuck at a red light, its the time that it takes for the occupant of the car behind you to honk his horn when the light turns green."

"[sees kid crying in grocery store] hey little guy [kneels down to his level] Can you please move you're blocking the Cinnamon Toast Crunch?"

"What is the difference between a horse and a duck? One goes quick and the other goes quack!"

"What did the wise man say to the science class? Many photons make light work."

"You think 70 degrees yesterday and snow today is funny, Mother Nature? *empties 326 cans of hairspray outside* Knock that shit off!"