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Joke of the Day

"Yesterday I extinguished a colleague's cigarette at the office with a water pistol. Adds firefighter to resume"

"The smarter the person, the less they tell you about it."

"Mullets: Business in the front. Party-at-a-mobile-home-til-5am-drinking-Pabst-then-go-home-&-get-arrested-for-domestic-violence in the back"

"What do all Amish girls want? Two Mennonite"

"MANAGER: You're hired! The pay is $200 per hour, plus benefits. The first thing you need to do is make a phone call to-- ME: I quit"

"I'm glad Lassie wasnt my dog. I just want to watch TV, I don't want to be constantly rescuing people."

"The woman who injected her 8-year old daughter with botox for beauty pageants lost custody. Her child did not look surprised..."

"What's orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot"

"RIP evaporated water.... ...You will be mist"

"Me: oh hi! Did you come over because I'm sad? How do you always know when I need you? Cat: get me my damn jingle mouse. Me: I love you too"