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Joke of the Day

"Yesterday I extinguished a colleague's cigarette at the office with a water pistol. Adds firefighter to resume"

"I lost my mood ring earlier today... I'm not sure how I feel about that."

"After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. ""No hablo ingles."""

"As a pot smoking narcissist, my life is all smoke and mirrors"

"Kanye West named his kid North. Drake Bell says he'll name his first kid Taco. I think Jessica Biel should name her kid Batmo."

"You know how rich people prefer Bose, Bang & Olufsen and Marantz? That's just a stereotype."

"What song does a car radio play? A cartoon (car tune)."

"Last Christmas I bought my mother-in-law a Jack Daniels t-shirt having previously told me she enjoyed encounters with spirits. She looked angry and said ""I'm a medium"" Bullshit!! XXL fit her perfect!"

"TIFU: My wife told me she wants to get a tattoo on her lower back. I told her to get one of a beautiful young woman so I'd have something to fantasize about."

"I love spending my Sundays sat watching the F1. My wife thinks I'm going f*cking mental though, just sitting there staring at the top left of my keyboard for several hours at a time."