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Joke of the Day

"My wife didn't post an essay thanking our kids for making her a mom on Facebook and now child services is on the way."

"Banks are like girlfriends... ...they just want all your money."

"I'm curious: Do girls shake the gasoline nozzle when they're taking it out of their cars too?"

"The Flash jacks off Welp, guess i jacked this one off too!"

"So they're making a Hulk body wash... You apply it with a Loofah Rigno."

"Q: What did Bill Clinton say to Monica? A: I told you to lick my erection not wreck my election."

"Facebook is developing a phone. And MySpace is working on a telegram"

"I kid you not. -Condom wearers"

"The American flags on the moon have been bleached white from 44 years of solar radiation. If aliens ever attack, we've already surrendered."

"What do you call a couch stuffed with chic peas? ... a hummus-sectional ba dum tish! I know that was bad. Please blame my boyfriend, he thought of it."