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Joke of the Day

"Q: What did Bill Clinton say to Monica? A: I told you to lick my erection not wreck my election."

"Subway is rolling out a new signature sub. Ask your sandwich artist for the 'Jared'. It is served with less then 13 grams of fat."

"I'm trying to get my wife to quit smoking. Maybe I should slow down and use a lubricant."

"Why didn't Hitler drink whisky? Because when he drank whisky, he got *mean*."

"At the doctor's... - Sir, you need to stop masturbating. - Why, doc? - So I can start examining you!"

"What if Hitler was cast for 'The Matrix' instead of Keanu Reeves? The movie would have been pretty... Neo-Nazi."

"When did the gay atheist become religious and started praying? When the gunman walked into the club he was in and started shooting and the doors were locked."

"What does the German wheat farmer say to his wife in the morning? Gluten Morgen!"

"Some chump in an orange apron in B&Q just asked me if I wanted decking... Fortunately I got the first punch in."

"Have you heard the joke about recursion?"