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Joke of the Day

"Young riders pick a destination and go... Old riders pick a direction and go."

"Hi, Can I domesticate you?"

"A psychic goes to buy clothes Employee: how about this one? Psychic: That top is too small Employee: You didn't even try it on Psychic: I'm a medium"

"SCIENCE FACT: if you took all of the veins from your body and laid them end to end, you would die."

"I do not have bad attitude... I have a low tolerance for bullsh1t."

"Businesses in Ferguson could have saved so much trouble just by changing their front signs. They could have saved their stores by changing the sign to say: ""[Owner Name]'s Fine Work Boots"""

"Caught my wife cheating with the neighbor today so I smashed our big screen tv onto his head. That will teach them to prewatch the jeopardy dvr and try to outscore me without me knowing!"

"God made the world in 7 days... and the rest Made In China"

"I think Stu does not gets the recognition he deserves Without him, those who are studying would just be dying."

"I'm pitching a prison dating show called 'America's Next Top Bottom'"