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Joke of the Day

"Caught my wife cheating with the neighbor today so I smashed our big screen tv onto his head. That will teach them to prewatch the jeopardy dvr and try to outscore me without me knowing!"

"""Super Mario, come quick! Bowser kidnapped the princess!"" -That fucking coward! I'll kill him! Which way did he go? -He went to the left. -**Goddammit!!!**"

"What does Acetone and Hitler have in common? They're both Polish removers!"

"I ask myself, ""How did I get here?,"" I'm sure my neighbors ask the same question every time they catch me in their house...taking a shower."

"all pants are breakaway pants if you're angry enough"

"Yesterday I thought I was in the Amazon river Turns out I was in denial"

"It's a boy! ""It's a boy!"" I shouted, as I ran from the Thai brothel."

"*puts little Santa hat on cat* Hahaha Santa claws *puts little Santa hat on dog* Hahaha Santa paws"

"People often invent statistics to prove a point they are making. 5 out of 3 people who do this actually don't understand numbers."

"3 guys were riding in a car: a hardware technician, a systems analyst, and a programmer. The systems analyst is driving and when they come to a steep hill he finds that the brakes..."