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Joke of the Day

"""The prisoner is walking down the stairs,"" Tom said condescendingly. ""It's 9:59,"" Tom said pretentiously. ""I have split personality disorder,"" Tom said being frank."

"Whats the difference between Iron Man and iron woman? One is a superhero the other is a simple instruction"

"My mom took my child into a store and left me in line to wait for Santa by myself, so now I look like a narcissistic creeper-thanks mom."

"I've been drinking my urine for years, but NASA still refuses to let me be an astronaut. ""There's more to it than that"" they say. Whatever."

"They should make halloween albums like they do for Christmas. I'd love to hear a Michael Buble version of Monster Mash."

"Knock Knock Who's there ! Anita ! Anita who ? Anita you like I need a hole in the head !"

"I love going to the gym this time of year because I'm a perfect example of what years of neglect and nachos can do to a body."

"Toilet paper and my iPhone have a lot in common... both are essential when I take a s$it."

"Advertisers: you can stop using ""it will change your life"" as a selling point. Cocaine, unemployment, and AIDS will also change your life."

"What do you call someone with no shins? Tony"