179446

Joke of the Day

"""The prisoner is walking down the stairs,"" Tom said condescendingly. ""It's 9:59,"" Tom said pretentiously. ""I have split personality disorder,"" Tom said being frank."

"The man who invented auto-correct has died. May he restaurant in piece."

"What do you call a lycanthrope you've snuck up on? An unaware wolf."

"Don't Be Racist Do not be racist; be like Mario. He's an Italian plumber, who was made by the Japanese, speaks English, looks like a Mexican, jumps like a black man, and grabs coins like a Jew!"

"I made up a new word plagiarism"

"A man pulls up to the curb and asks the policeman, ""Can I park here?"" ... ... ""No"" says the cop. ""What about all these other cars?"" ""They didn't ask!"""

"Did you hear about what happened when the anime studio tried to make a sex-ed video? Kids kept getting confused about why the octopus was showing up."

"What's the difference between a raft guide and a large pizza? A large pizza can feed a family."

"Then they came for the bins, and I did not speak out, because I was not a bin man, and they were, and that was their job."

"When everyone around you is an ahole you've gotta stop, take a long look at you & accept how awesome you are dead center in ahole land."