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Joke of the Day

"When everyone around you is an ahole you've gotta stop, take a long look at you & accept how awesome you are dead center in ahole land."

"Everyone's like ""I love Obama"" or ""I love Romney"" and I'm just over here like ""I love whiskey and beer"""

"What do you call a bunch of potheads working together? A joint effort!"

"Hitler was not very athletic. He never finished a race."

"Q: How many blondes does it take to play Hide and Seek? A: One."

"I don't know what hurts my wrist more, playing volleyball or watching women's volleyball!"

"What do you call a snobbish criminal going down stairs? A condescending con descending"

"1816: a grizzly bear ate my mom as she fetched drinking water. 1916: I'm in a muddy trench, bleeding internally. 2016: IM OFFENDED!"

"I just ordered the wrong meat it was a misteak"

"A vampire walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a mug of hot water. The bartender looks confused and asks 'Don't you drink blood?' The vampire holds up a used tampon and says. 'I'm making tea.'"