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Joke of the Day

"*brushes teeth for seventeen hours straight before dentist appointment* ""Jessica, there is an entire Oreo behind your second molar."""

"So annoying when Mexican women at Walmart pretend they don't know where the cleaning supply aisle is."

"What did ISIS say after the terrorist attack? Nice"

"My girlfriend snores very loudly Guess she knows how to sleep soundly"

"I hate it when they tell you that they accept cards but refuse to accept my seven of spades"

"If you sleep with your socks on, please unfollow. I do not support you or your lifestyle"

"Two muffins are in the oven . . . One turns to the other and says ""It's hot in here"" the other looks at him and screams ""Fuck me! A talking muffin!"""

"What are the consequences of smoking weed? The reefercussions"

"What' the difference between Adolf Hitler and Lance Armstrong? Lance Armstrong can finish a race!"

"Joe Biden marries two gay white house officials at his house. His wife isn't happy."