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Joke of the Day

"The way I react when my alarm clock goes off can best be described as ""17-year-old girl being denied a curfew extension."""

"Have you heard the tagline for the new Ghostbusters movie? Now with 400% more bust!"

"What do you call a ghost at midnight? A sheet in the dark!"

"Q: What kind of tree grows in your hand? A: A palm tree."

"I'm sorry but shits and giggles don't sound like things I want to have happen at the same time."

"Good for you, the 3 people trying to keep MySpace alive. Good. For. You."

"What word starts with F, ends with UCK, and people look for it when things get too hot... A Fuck. The word is ""fuck""... honestly, I lead you right to it"

"Daughter: ""I wish you were a better listener."" Me: ""I wish you were more interesting."" Daughter: ""Don't tweet that."" Me: ""I won't."""

"[Calls boss] I won't be in today ""Why not?"" [camera pans out to a raccoon wearing sunglasses driving away in my car] I've got the shits."

"""I did not expect to encounter so many snakes when I booked this flight!"" #AwfulFirstDraftDialogue"