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Joke of the Day

"Daughter: ""I wish you were a better listener."" Me: ""I wish you were more interesting."" Daughter: ""Don't tweet that."" Me: ""I won't."""

"[first date] Me: so u just wanna poke ur straw thru that little hole Her: I know how juice boxes work Mom: well isn't she a feisty one?"

"What sounds like a robot and bumps into tables? Stephen Hawking."

"Why is it so tough to please girls? They take classes on mass debating."

"10 Dollar Compliment A man goes to a $10 hooker and contracts crabs. When he goes back to complain, the hooker laughs and says, ""What do you expect for $10 -- lobster?"""

"A termite walked into a bar and asked, ""Is the bartender here?"""

"Rick Astley will let you borrow of all of his Pixar movies except for one. He's never gonna give you Up"

"GOD: Moses!! I COMMAND YOU TOcan you take your shoes off MOSES: What? Why G: I'm trying to keep the place nice, OK? M: It's a mountain"

"Knock Knock.... P2:Whos there? P1:A bonus P2:A bonus who? P1: A bonus something a dog likes to chew on"

"dad, why does my cake say ""we dont want a talking cake"" ""its a long story son"""