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Joke of the Day

"Mom is flying into JFK during Friday rush hour. An 'anonymous tip' should allow me to pick her up at the TSA and avoid the terminals."

"What do you say to a man with no legs? Nothing, he'll shoot you."

"Invite everyone you know over for dinner. Set the table really fancy. Serve 6 courses that are just mayonnaise in different bowls/plates"

"Why doesn't god like bacon? Because he isn't real."

"Please, if I ever offend you, it's because I meant to."

"I totally understand how batteries feel. Because I'm rarely ever included in things either."

"Did you hear about the Middle Eastern beauty contest? Me neither."

"An entire generation does not know what the hell is happening when a movie pans over to a wall calendar and the pages magically fly away."

"The story of Snow White teaches us something very important: NEVER eat fruit."

"When a cop asks if you know why you were pulled over, respond, ""I'm actually not allowed to discuss the details of the case"""