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Joke of the Day

"I have CDO. It's like OCD, but in alphabetical order as it should be."

"[NSFW] Do you know what really brings out the child in me? A miscarriage."

"I watch doomsday films like there's no tomorrow."

"Sean Connery the plumber, available 24/7, rain or shnow. Becaushe the shitty never shleeps."

"I haven't spoken to my wife in weeks... I didn't want to interrupt her."

"What is the difference between a sandwich and a baby? I don't have sex with the sandwich before I eat it !"

"Girl, do you have a defibrillator? Cause my heart stops everytime I see you"

"How can you tell that truckers like nuts? They always have pecans! (Read aloud)"

"[picking a career as a kid] I just want to do something that matters [many years and jobs later] Oh right nothing matters"

"I used to be really into nostalgia... ...those were good times."