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Joke of the Day

"I just solved all my problems I just pretented it wasn't happening, and I instantly felt better."

"I live by 2 simple rules: 1. Don't treat people like shit. 2. If any melted cheese gets on your paper plate, you must also eat the plate."

"I know repetitive noises irritate people so I'm surprised there weren't more rage-induced murders back when typewriters were being used"

"What do you get when you mix a boxer and cocaine? A punchline"

"Superman: Look, Lois! Up in the sky! It's a bird! *squints* It's a plane... *puts on glasses* Oh, it's a plane. Lois: CLARK?!?"

"What did the Nazi say to the Cowboy? Reich for the sky!"

"What's the fastest way to go from 300 pounds to 140? Convert to kilograms."

"Nobody Carries A Tiffin To A Restaurant. Wife: Why Arent You Taking Me With You To Bangkok? Husband: Because Nobody Carries A Tiffin To A Restaurant. ""If U Didn't Get It Go Watch Pogo"":p"

"What is the similarity between Disney World and a woman? They both make you wait 2 hours for a 30 second ride!"

"What's the most indian bone in the human body? The patella. (I'll show myself out)"