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Joke of the Day

"Lies I'll never stop telling: 1. I'd never put you in a home, mom. 2. It's 6 inches long. 3. I have no idea how the PC got a virus."

"I don't post for the karma."

"""See, son, when an Ice Ice Man and an Ice Ice Woman love each other very much..."" - Vanilla Ice explaining where Ice Ice Babies come from"

"what gets uglier the more you watch it? yo momma stripping"

"I googled your mom last night. I had to open two tabs."

"A guy goes to a $5 lady of the night... ... and he gets crabs. So the next day, he goes back to complain. And the woman says, ""Hey, it was only $5. What did you expect, lobster?"""

"My wife turns over and accidentally kicks me in the nuts. I gasp. She gasps. Then she raises her arms and yells, ""I WIN! I WIN!"""

"How do you know your S&M partner works in IT? They insist your safe word has an upper case letter, a lower case letter, and at least one number."

"All those political ads are very convincing. They convinced me to stop watching television."

"What's the difference between a politician and a comedian? People care when a comedian speaks."