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Joke of the Day

"Lies I'll never stop telling: 1. I'd never put you in a home, mom. 2. It's 6 inches long. 3. I have no idea how the PC got a virus."

"Alcohol is a misunderstood vitamin."

"What kind of dogs will patrol the Trump wall? Border Collies! I just came up with this after not sleeping for 30+ hours. Sorry for the cheesy goodness."

"I was worried about the price of bread in India But then I realized it's a naan issue."

"My doctor said I have hemorrhoids... but I think he is wrong: everybody says I am a perfect asshole!"

"Saying ""I'm sorry"" is the same as saying ""I apologize"" ...Except at a funeral."

"How can you tell that pirates hid the communist manifesto Because an ""X"" Marx the spot"

"Two tachyons are sitting in a gaming cafe when a normal particle walks in. The first tachyon looks over its shoulder and says, ""Fucking causals."""

"It's pancake day already? That sure creped up fast."

"I was thinking of inventing some chilli flavoured sun cream. But for now I've put it on the back burner."