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Joke of the Day

"Why do Physicists make terrible parents? They think their children are small enough to neglect! Adapted from a Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal, I forget which one."

"How often do I think about Keira? Knightley."

"I've finally achieved my lifelong dream of becoming a stand-up comedian Thank you prosthetic legs!"

"[in Starbucks] ""It's Ian with one i"". ""We only need your first name Mr Wivwanaye""."

"What's black on top and white underneath? Rape. Offensive jokes are fine as long as they are still jokes."

"Thinking about calling 911 just to feel a fireman's embrace."

"Him: I just want a stable relationship. Me: Yeah, horses are cool. Him: ........ Flirting is hard, you guys."

"You guys ever smear fake blood on your mouth, put on a ripped shirt, go in somewhere and pretend you got mugged? PEOPLE ARE SO NICE!"

"How i feel when i find out Tom Brady is suspended for 4 games"

"French toast I saw on the menu at a small restaurant 10% more French in your toast and I asked the waitress what that meant and she said. ""We swear at it"""