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Joke of the Day

"If you love someone, throw your earbuds at them. There's a good chance they'll be entangled in them and won't be able to run."

"Did you guys hear about the homeopath who forgot to take his meds? He died of an overdose."

"What is the most common death among square dancers? Over Do-se-do."

"What's the difference between a Catholic Priest and acne? Acne waits until you're thirteen before it comes in your face"

"My friend cooled himself to absolute zero... he's 0K now."

"Being a suicide bolder sounds like a blast"

"What was Philip Seymour Hoffman's favorite album this year? Pure Heroine by Lorde."

"What's the best part about having sex with ninety-nine year olds? There's ninety of 'em."

"What do you call a Mexican that lives in Maine? an L.L.Beaner"

"You ever get so drunk you write your social security number in the tip slot on your bar tab?"