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Joke of the Day

"[nabisco hq] ""Wheat Thins sales are down we need ideas"" *raises hand* ""anyone else?"" ... ... ""ok Dan, but I swear to god if u say-"" Wheat Thicks"

"Made the mistake of dropping my pants when my dentist put on latex gloves."

"Why did the lady poet go to the doctor? She had a Yeats Inflection"

"I can't believe how much money I've spent fueling my drinking problem. Time to start brewing coffee at home."

"Bruce Jenner winning woman of the year just proves that men are better than women at everything, including being a woman"

"Crazy how Hillary Clinton could possibly be our first F President... I would've said Female President but someone deleted the emale."

"The best part about dating a homeless girl You can drop her off anywhere."

"my wife's friend is so pissed i made fun of his lazy eye he's having a hard time even looking at me"

"What Does an Angry Sheep Say in Battle? Fus Ro BAAAAAAAA."

"I could never run for a political office I'm too out of shape. I could, however, waddle for a political office"