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Joke of the Day

"[house being raided] [swat guy crashes through window, lands on slip n slide I placed there for this exact reason and slides out front door]"

"I reached my goal of shedding 137 pounds this week It's nice being single again"

"What do you call bears with no ears? B"

"What did the drunkard say when he walked into an Israeli bar? Hebrews?"

"Sure I could kill you with kindness, but let's see what else is lying around first."

"""how'd your football team football today?"" those footballers footballed quite well...really good footballin'"

"I hope England beats Iceland... Or they will be out of Europe twice this week!"

"What have 12 legs six eyes three tails and can't see ? Three blind mice !"

"When my boyfriend gives me a hug during an argument, it looks loving, but I'm just patting him down to make sure he's not wearing a wire."

"I like my women like I like my coffee... Cheap and bitter."