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Joke of the Day

"I'm giving up alcohol for a month.... Wait, sorry. That came out wrong. I'm giving up. Alcohol for a month."

"I went to the Zoo today, only animal there was a dog... It was a Shih Tzu"

"Me + Bed + Pillow = Best threesome ever."

"Crazy but true: Over 80 percent of twins seperated at birth have the same exact birthday."

"""I'm so hungry, I could eat a human baby."" Everyone in Whole Foods stares at me stunned ""Corn-fed organic of course, I'm not a monster."""

"Anyone want to hear my Human Centipede joke? Nah, I won't tell you it. It sucks ass."

"TIFU by messing up my wife's Subway order. Whoops, wrong sub."

"what is the SEXIEST kind of tree??????? A COUNTRY!!!!"

"I am trying to get some help for my PTSD... But it always seems to be one flash forward and then two flashbacks."

"How many calories do you get from eating pussy? It depends on which way she wipes her ass."