200477

Joke of the Day

"I just finished my first week of work at ThyssenKrupp. I'm already seeing great opportunities for upward mobility. All in all, it's been a very elevating experience."

"Why can't the French cook two eggs? Because one egg is *un oeuf*"

"Officer: We're building the Death Star as fast as we can. Vader: I have new ways to motivate you. *implements margarita Tuesdays*"

"What will latent pedophiles pay a hooker extra to wear? pedo-pushers"

"What do Russian women get from their husbands that's long and hard on their wedding night? His last name."

"My friend thanked me for inviting him along to Fight Club. I replied ""Don't mention it."""

"My proctologist gave me two thumbs up. Which I did not appreciate."

"Why is time wary of mathematicians? They're always plotting against it."

"FOX is adapting a mash-up of Who Wants to Marry a Millionaire and Are you smarter than a 5th grader for Bangladesh. They're calling it, Who Wants to Marry a 5th Grader"

"Why did the woman divorce the grape? She was tired of raisin' kids."