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Joke of the Day

"What do lawyers and sperm have in common? One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming human."

"Shovels are incredible They're ground-breaking technology!"

"Have you ever tried eating a clock? It's very time-consuming."

"""I sound nothing like that when I cry."" -doves"

"Have you heard about McDonald's new Hillary Clinton Value Meal? Order anything you like and the guy behind you has to pay for it."

"If the house is in the kitchen, and Diana's in the kitchen, what's in Diana? A state (Indiana)"

"Not having a date on Valentine's Day doesn't really worry me... It's those 364 other date-less days that are causing me a bit of concern."

"What's the difference between a JCB and a giraffe? One's got hydraulics, the other's got high bollocks."

"Half of my life has been spent hoping people don't see me."

"My leg brushed against the toilet in a Starbucks bathroom. Goodbye leg. You were a good leg."