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Joke of the Day

"My partner is a dog person, I'm not. Gets really fucking inconvenient every full moon."

"I was gonna vote for trump . . . but now i'm kinda on the Pence about it."

"Cool name for god = ""head writer of The Weather Channel"""

"""Daddy, I was just in the bathroom peeing, nothing else. That's all, so you don't need to look."" - my 6yo, not sounding at all suspicious"

"Q: Why won't a bike stand up by itself? A: It's two tired."

"Why does the Dalai Lama go to the bookies everyday? Because he likes Tibet."

"Crikey, more sad news from the world of technology: Anti-virus developer John McAfee is appearing in court for manslaughter... They estimate the trial could last for 30 days."

"Martin Shkreli in jail: ""Can I have an aspirin?"" Jail: ""Yes. That will be $197,000."""

"What do you call a smelly man who tells terrible jokes? PUN-GENT"

"Me (digging a hole): how's this? My clone: at least 6 feet deeper Me: you sure there's treasure? My Clone: toss me up your keys bud"