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Joke of the Day

"Hey man, 1980 called. It wants its--oh, can you hold on? I've got 1945 on the other line, and he's conferencing in 1973 so I should get this"

"Why are mexicans so predictable in Uno? Because they always wish for the green card"

"I just referred to tongs as 'food tweezers' in case you want to be in awe of my command of the English language."

"Sometimes I wish I was an octopus, so I could slap 8 people at once."

"I was forcibly held underwater, made to consume human flesh, and drank human blood all before puberty. man Christianity has some weird traditions."

"Pavlov is sitting at a bar... ...when another patron walks in and a bell on the door rings. Pavlov stands up, says, ""I forgot to feed the dogs,"" and leaves."

"What does a dentist do in his free time? Shoot lions."

"I heard that boomerangs are becoming popular again... They're really making a comeback!"

"Yeah, did you hear about the really chatty snake gynecologist? Well, he was good at his job, but I just couldn't stand how he kept sticking his head in my business."

"I hope everyone on this flight covers for me by standing and announcing ""No, I am Fartacus!"" as we deplane."