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Joke of the Day
"What would you name someone who can predict when people sneeze? Nostrildamus"
Next Joke
"Just finished writing my will. In TOTALLY UNRELATED news, I'm about to try resolving some issues regarding my iTunes library."
"My dyslexic brother just did the ice bucket challenge. He keeps asking how this helps people who use American Sign Language."
"Ever since Jim got cancer, he's been feeling really crabby"
"What do you call a stoner dinosaur? A Smokealottapottapus."
"It's impressive how within three minutes of crawling into bed your brain can remind you of 23,472 things going wrong with your life."
"What's the difference between a lead guitarist and a terrorist? You can actually negotiate with a terrorist."
"How many dead hookers does it take to change a lightbulb? Apparently more than 5, because my basement is still dark."
"Q: What does K-mart stand for? A: Kuz Mexicans Are Rich Too"
"*gently carrying a burrito in my mouth like a mother cat with her kitten*"