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Joke of the Day

"*gently carrying a burrito in my mouth like a mother cat with her kitten*"

"These jokes about semen are getting out of hand Seriously guys, put a sock in it"

"Me: Yeah like that, baby. Him: *caresses my back, plays with my hair* Me: *moans* Him: *growls* I'm gonna do so many-- Me: *snores, drools*"

"What does a Jewish guy say when he's making eggs? I-fry-em"

"Just ran a .3K (Ice cream truck wouldn't stop)"

"why cant you hear a pterodactyl go pee? Dinosaurs are extinct"

"Did you hear about the Oklahoma idiot who married an American Indian? They had a baby and wanted to name it to reflect both races. So they called it Running Dummy."

"A Disney joke not for the kids ""How many thingamabobs does Ariel have?"" 20? ""Twenty-*one*. She got the last one when she wished for legs."""

"Teacher: Fill out the parent form. Me: Why? Teacher: So I can contact you if your kid gets in trouble. Me: *writing* Raised. By. Wolves."

"I've quit my new job as a postman. They handed me my first letter to deliver, I looked at it and thought: ""This isn't for me."""