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Joke of the Day

"*Maybe try dressing up as SpongeBob this Halloween, since you're so self absorbed.* -Me as a therapist"

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"Will glass coffins be a success Clearly"
"If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong."
"Be careful - too much sex can result in a balled spot."
"Pickup line: ""Hey girl, is your dad in jail?"" Because if I were him, I would be."
"Sit down and let me tell you a story. Once Upon A Time......last night......I had a few drinks and......borrowed your credit card."
"*Pays $450 for ticket to hockey game. *spends the whole game on iPhone."
"I thought it was a staring contest but then I realized the guy had a glass eye so now I can never go back to that gas station again."
"SC shooting suspect Dylan Roof has been apprehended. He was charged with impersonating a police officer."
"[Touring Italy] Guide: Bathroom anyone? Me: I peed at the Tower of Pizza Guide: That's Pisa Me: Sorry. I took a pisa at the Tower of Pizza"
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